If you were hoping for a diplomatic bromance, you may want to sit down first (preferably with popcorn). Because the saga of Donald Trump and India reads less like a buddy-movie and more like a tragicomedy with tariff grenades and surprise plot twists.

Donald Trump, “Friend of India”? More Like Frenemy With Benefits

“Being an enemy of the USA is dangerous, but being a friend is fatal.”

— Henry Kissinger

Henry Kissinger must’ve had a crystal ball because Donald Trump has turned his quote into a real-life experiment—starring India. Because if friendship were a Netflix series, Trump’s role is less “best buddy” and more “that toxic ex who says sweet things but maxes out your credit card.”   

The Indian Cheerleaders’ Dream Team

When Trump first got elected, Indians practically broke their wrists clapping. Indians threw rallies in New Jersey chanting “Abki Baar, Trump Sarkar,” as if Modi and Trump were about to start a boy band together. He praised Modi, he praised Indians, he even mangled Hindi at rallies. For a moment, it looked like a match made in diplomatic heaven.

 

But fast-forward past his re-election, and what did India get? Not hugs, not trade deals, not Bollywood cameos—just tariffs, deportations, and lectures. Indians were like fans at a cricket match cheering their hero, only to find out he switched sides mid-innings. The bromance was downgraded to a one-way situationship.

Tariff Tantrums: Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, India Pay 50% Or Screw You

Trump’s idea of friendship comes with an invoice. His administration slapped punitive tariffs on Indian exports—sometimes up to 50%. That’s not a “deal,” that’s daylight robbery with paperwork.

 

And when India bought Russian oil to keep its economy alive, Trump basically said: “Stop it, or I’ll ground you.” Never mind that the U.S. and Europe were swimming in Russian gas like it was a pool party. India, apparently, had to stick to coconut water.

Deportation Airlines: Non-Stop Service, Chains Included

As if tariffs weren’t romantic enough, Trump sent around 100 Indians back home on a U.S. military plane—handcuffed and leg-chained. Imagine being treated like hardened criminals, when your only crime was chasing the “American Dream.” If this is how friends are treated, enemies must be getting spa vouchers.

Pakistan: The Side Chick With Minerals

And then—plot twist! While India was being slapped with tariffs and sanctions, Trump was busy cozying up to Pakistan.

• White House invites for Shehbaz Sharif
• Trade and energy deals on the table
• Pakistan offering rare earth minerals like it’s selling kebabs at a street fair

Critics even say Trump’s family business interests in Pakistan greased these decisions . Translation: geopolitics, but make it retail.

It’s like India thought it was in a monogamous relationship, only to find Trump secretly swiping right on Pakistan for access to rare earths.

The Friendship Math: India Gets Tariffs, Pakistan Gets Selfies

Let’s tally this up:

• India: tariffs, deportations, sanctions.
• Pakistan: trade deals, hugs, and Trump family LinkedIn endorsements.

This is less “Art of the Deal” and more “Art of Playing Both Sides Until Someone Pays for My Golf Course.”

 

Final Plot Twist

So what have we learned?

• Kissinger was right—being America’s “friend” can be fatal.

• Indians who cheered Trump got scorn, tariffs, and deportations in return.

• Trump’s “bestie” act with Modi turned out to be more like a one-sided WhatsApp chat.

But here’s the kicker: if India, a resourceful country with a trillion-dollar economy, is being kicked around like this by Trump the “friend,” imagine what will happen to Pakistan once his personal interests dry up. India can absorb pressure, recalibrate, and push back. Pakistan? Not so much. When Trump moves on, Islamabad may be left holding nothing but promises and overdue invoices.

So yes, Trump might be India’s “friend.” But if this is friendship, enemies are probably better off.

Image courtesy: Google